Saturday, January 31, 2009

Global Adventures in College Station

As I think backt to last weekend in College Station, I can't help but smile. Cuddled on a twin sized bed and hearing a train whistle in the distance reminded me of months not too long ago when that city was my home. Charlie and I went to see the A&M men's basketball team BTHO Oklahoma State at Reed Arena with wonderful friends.

This has been one of those unforgettable because of friends, nature and fun.

Kyle and Zoe just got engaged a few weeks ago. I always try to emphasize how wonderul it is being married. I never liked hearing people tell me negative things about their relationships
It's easy to concentrate on your own self pity and allow yourself to become self centered but where will that road lead? My best friend in the world, Kati, said today "What counts is the long run." So many things in this life are temporary and even though they hurt now doesn't mean it'll hurt forever. And what's even cooler “God’s love is always bigger.” Whatever ideals or dreams I've lost these days, or in this lifetime, is nothing compared to God’s plan for me. He sees the whole picture. So no matter what grief I deal with He will flood me with love and comfort.

On a brighter note, I've got the best friend a girl could ask for! No matter where we go or what's going on Kati and I can always make each other may take putting feathers in each other's hair or sitting in baskets but we're having a good time darn it!

Our guys also help us smile too :-D

Friday, January 30, 2009


A few years ago that song/talk came out “Sunscreen,” the senior address from a clever writer. I listen to that talk over and over, because there seems to be so much truth in such little words: “When you are old, you will look back and remember how beautiful you were, and exactly how much opportunity lay before you.” I do not want to miss everything that life has in store for me because I'm afraid or because I want to be comfortable.
I am looking forward to fun weekend with friends in Aggieland and just "being". Christ has given me this overwhelming sense of contentment and I am relishing it! What better way is there than to spend time with fun people who like to do new things! I'm so pumped! Hopefully we'll have some good pictures to put up :-D

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The level of infatuation with our current president is overwhelming. He has been elevated to the stature of an icon/savior. The role of president is indeed a highly honored and respected position (except if you happen to be be George W. Bush) but the added expectations that accompanied Mr.Obama into the White House is too much for one person.

His lofty speeches and ideas go out to a people desperate for someone with all of the answers, someone who will "fix" all their troubles. However, the majority of Americans' expectations have swollen to a point of explosion based on Mr. Obama's promises. I dearly hope I am wrong because our country is already in such turmoil but I cannot help be apprehensive when the cost of change so dearly counted upon will cost billions of dollars we do not have. Probably the most balanced summary of what's going on came from Mr. Connan on national public radio:
Ted Koppel on NPR’s Talk of the Nation with Neil Connan:
"He is not a foolish man, Barack Obama. He understands that the challenges that confront him now are going to make some of these high flown speeches seem almost quaint in a few months. He still faces all of the same problems that George Bush faced. Will there be a difference in tone? You bet. They’re already is. Will there be a difference in terms of tactics? Very likely. Is the ultimate strategy going to change? I would be surprised."

"New" Me

"... pay close attention to the times that God calls you away from the valley and invites you to tiptoe quietly back into the light. It is still there, waiting for you."

For a little over a year now I have learned and perfected the art of guarding my heart even more and to protect it at all cost. So, to step out "into the light" was much more than I desired to do … but I have to fight for the happiness I deserve. If I want to somehow start getting my life back together then I have to start embracing small steps to wholeness.

I will be the first to admit that the stages of grief are all consuming in moments and sometimes days. The stage of anger was and is one of my biggest struggles. I have unleashed my furry on a few dear family and friends, who thankfully still love me. My anger comes from a place of honesty and although it is somewhat uncomfortable it helps to continue the softening of my heart. They are small steps in a powerful direction, allowing me to not hold so tightly to my fears. Anger is not one of those "pretty feminine" attributes that I "do" well but if you channel it well, anger can be both liberating and productive. And although I will admit that "angry Kristin" is not an enjoyable place to be, (or enjoyable to be with) she does have a valid place in this process. Yet through the anger, the months have unfolded, life has continued on, but the reality of our situation reamains the same.

What I am learning is there is no finish line on this journey. There is; however, an embracing of the "new" me and my "new" family. The marathon race we began with before I even knew it and the load I carry now is more than I anticipated. I have changed. I am not who I once was 12 months ago, and I don’t anticipate being "her" again. We will continue to develop and grow, hopefully for the better.

Trust is harder to come by, and faith in God is often a decision, rather than a way of life.
The "new" me hurts more often, cries more easily, and often ungraciously lashes out in anger. But the "new" me also take pleasure in great conversations and delights in hardy laughs.
The "new" me has learned that evenings with grade school friends are some of my best treasures. The "new" me is learning that (if you allow yourself to listen) God shows up to comfort us when we least expect Him.

So for now, I am embracing the "new" me. I embrace all that I have learned and will continue to learn on this journey. I embrace all of the hurts, loves, and new joys that we are experiencing through all of this. They are all incredible teachers. And I also embrace all the …peace that today offers… as I place one toe out of the valley and feel the light that waits to shine on us again.

Monday, January 26, 2009


"Marathoning - The triumph of desire over reason" I saw this quote on the back of a girl's shirt right before the first gun shot went off to sound the start of my first marathon.

I think it was Christ's way of giving me focus right before I took on the hardest physical goal of my life so far. The plan was to meet up with my family at mile 18 and ever step I took that brought me closer to them, the more I wanted/needed to see their faces.

Truth be told when I saw Charlie running towards me with the 18 mile marker in sight I wanted to burst into tears. My mind was racing..."Why did I do this to myself?", "What was I thinking?!" And as I fell into his arms and felt him catch me I knew I could press on. This was a test of desire over reason. I wanted to finish more than I wanted to quit. After I made up my mind the rest of the race was, at the risk of being cliché , a breeze. I knew I was strong enough. Not just for the marathon but for all of the challenges I know are ahead.
There were all kinds of people running two Sundays ago and all of them had their own goals to achieve. Many of the people who ran with our team were sick or going through treatment. Their determination and strength will forever be an inspiration for me. I do not have to worry about chemo treatments keeping me from my next run; my only a
affliction is laziness. But that does not mean I will be healthy forever and I would want someone to run for me if the time came.

Through training with TNT and on my own I have run over 200 miles these past few months and made just as many, if not more, memories. The people and the purpose of this run has blessed me beyond my wildest expectations. The early Friday nights followed by even earlier Saturday mornings were all worth it when I crossed that finish line.